By Shahna Duerksen, M.A., AMFT
The Holiday season is a crucial time to protect and plan for your mental, emotional and physical well-being especially this year as you navigate what celebrating the Holiday season in a time of living in COVID-19 looks like.
In normal seasons of life people may already feel amounts of emotional and mental stress around the holidays for a variety of reasons; busyness, family relationship challenges, lack of healthy boundaries and so on. This year increased time with family and friends in social gatherings may be a point of joy while also causing extra stress and tension due to social distancing needs, precautions and personal preferences. Pre-existing mental health symptoms such as anxiety and depression are also significant factors that contribute to holiday stress with symptoms at times increased. So what do you do?
Tips for protecting and planning for your mental health during the holiday season:
1. Set Realistic expectations:
Reflect on what the internal and external expectations are for yourself and from others. Be real and authentic with what you can and cannot do or be involved in. Are you expected to host the latest family gathering? Do you feel compelled to make it bigger and better than ever? Remember: You can’t do everything, but you can do something. What is your something?
Reflect on and set small manageable expectations of what is doable and what is not such as limiting the holiday gathering to just your immediate family and household instead of hosting a large gathering. Enlist everyone’s help planning and preparing and cleaning up so it does not all lie on your shoulders. Delegate responsibilities and set healthy boundaries.
Choose what you are comfortable with and want to do this year. Decide ahead of time how much time you want to spend with family and friends and determine if this will be in person, social distanced on zoom or in another way.
2. Be gentle with yourself and others:
Honor where your own mental, emotional and physical health is going into this holiday season. Give yourself and others permission to be authentic and real. Are you grieving, depressed, need people, or do not want to be around people? Do you want to gather for a large gathering or feel more comfortable staying home with your immediate family members?
Listen to what your own mental, emotional and physical needs are telling you.
If you feel anger or resentment, look further for possible areas of poor boundary setting. Poor boundaries lead to resentment, anger and burnout.
3. Practice healthy boundary setting:
Set boundaries for yourself and how you will interact with others. After you recognize what your limitations and expectations of yourself and others are in this Holiday season, then communicate those in healthy ways ahead of time in what you will and will not be able to do.
As Author Brené Brown says, “When we fail to set boundaries and hold people accountable, we feel used and mistreated.” Healthy boundaries help you honor your needs, prevent unwanted behaviors, and foster the behaviors you want. What are tangible, practical ways you can honor yourself and your needs specifically during the Holiday season?
Use “I” statements; I feel: _____ when _____ because ________. What I need is ____. (Ex: I feel overwhelmed when I overcommit because of feeling obligated or pressured. What I need is to say no to some of my commitments this holiday season.” An ‘I’ statement is a clear and non-negotiable statement and allows your feelings and thoughts to be expressed.
As part of setting healthy boundaries learn to say “No” to things that drain and overwhelm you and say “Yes” to things that are meaningful and bring joy.
Say “NO” to tasks, people, expectations or other commitments that feel like an obligation or are not meaningful to you. Remember you do not have to defend your choices. Ex: “Thank you for your invitation. It doesn’t work for me to host the party this year but I will attend.”
Say “YES” to new traditions or interests that are meaningful to you. New ways of celebrating the holidays may birth a new set of traditions. Be flexible. Try a new way of getting together; host a virtual family gathering or do a potluck meal outside in a park. Other examples are to have a video chat with a friend or family member that you can’t get together with, watch an online holiday movie together with others. Do holiday shopping at the same time online virtually with friends instead of in person shopping messaging one another as you are doing so. Then have your items delivered directly to the person.
4. Practice Self-Care:
Planning for, protecting and practicing Self-care for your mental, emotional and physical health is of the utmost importance during the holiday season.
Meditate, do a personal check-in and setting healthy boundaries are examples of healthy self-care practices.
Other self-care tips are; Get good quality sleep, take time to exercise by going for walks or stretching, eat well-balanced foods, and drink plenty of water.
Do not isolate. Ask for what you need and Reach out for help if you are in need of mental health support. Call a friend or family member, professional therapist, help line, Text.
Be kind and gentle with the mental and emotional space you are in this year.
Remember to take your medications.
Practice moderation in food and alcohol usage.
5. Acts of Service
Consider participating in small acts of kindness that serve other people such as making meals and delivering them to friends, neighbors and the homeless. Consider using a contactless delivery method that is a great COVID-style way of celebrating with those who may be at high risk for COVID due to age or health conditions or personal preferences to social distance or need for quarantine. You can leave the meal outside the front door of the person’s house.
Shahna Duerksen is an Associate Marriage and Family Therapist at Roubicek and Thacker Counseling in Fresno, CA. She loves writing, pumpkin spice lattes and encouraging others in their mental and emotional well-being. You can contact her office at: 559-323-8484 and find her on Facebook and Instagram @shahnaduerksen