The "new" normal. What does that even mean? Let's be real, nothing at all is normal about what we are all going through with the COVID-19 Coronavirus pandemic. Having forced social distancing, schools and businesses being shut down, being isolated from others, working from home, washing hands over and over, wearing masks, people dying and much more. These things are not "normal" in any way.The fear of the unknown is real and it is all hard.
I find myself asking, and honestly as I self-disclose a little here, in the middle of the night when I can't go to sleep and my anxiety is high about the Coronavirus I find myself wondering, okay... maybe a little panic is involved too... of... did I wash my hands enough today, are my family members safe, when will this all end....is this my new normal? Is this my "new"?
We are all in this "new" normal together. Here are a few things that are helping me right now. Hopefully they may encourage, motivate and help someone reading them.
1. Recognize and Identifying my emotions: Be Real with yourself: Using my words. What am I feeling? Putting a name to the feeling; "I am feeling .... right now". Maybe its powerlessness, anxiety, worry, depression, grief or loss. Putting a name to the emotion is very important. Scanning my body for symptoms internally and externally help in this. Maybe I feel a tightness in my shoulders or rapid breathing that I identify as anxiety. When I can name the emotion and the context it helps. "I feel stressed right now because of watching the news which made me feel really anxious and powerless". I have found that if I don't somehow recognize and identify my emotions and get my distress out in a healthy way then it just festers internally and comes out in other non-healthy ways such as; depression, irritation, anger, physical symptoms or addictions. (Hello the caffeine addiction is real right now people). Talking to a trusted family member, friend or professional therapist is helpful and causes us to articulate our emotions. Remember: Use your words.
2. Talking to a Professional Therapist: I am a therapist and I am in therapy. It is really helpful to be able to talk to a trusted mental health professional who offers empathy, a listening ear and helps me in my journey of healthy mental and emotional well-being especially right now. Many therapists are currently offering Telehealth services via video or phone calls or in person. My therapist is doing all three as mental health professionals are considered essential workers. If you are in need of mental health support please reach out to a professional therapist. Remember: Your mental health is just as important as your physical health.
3. Self-Care: Journal, Color, Walk: Caring for myself is not selfish. It is vitally important to my survival. It's needed. Self care for myself may mean turning off the news and limiting for awhile the amount of social media intake I consume. Or if I can motivate myself to journal it usually always helps me. At least it's a healthy coping skill and a distraction. Sometimes I follow journal prompts (Pinterest is great for resources) to help me figure out what to write. Sometimes I just start writing a free flowing wave of conciousness. Sometimes I color or do puzzles and going for those walks down the street or laps around my backyard pool helps get out the internal emotional energy. All of these are helpful ways of caring for myself. And you know, if you have others to care for; children, patients, older parents, etc. you know that you can't help them if you aren't paying attention to yourself and your own needs. Remember: Oxygen first for the parents and then you help others.
4. Being Kind and Gentle with myself and others. Normalize your feelings and experiences. Others are going through the same things. You are not alone. The rise of mental health issues; depression, anxiety and so forth is high for many, especially those that are on the front lines in healthcare or other essential jobs. Acknowledging to myself and others that "This is hard. I'm scared or worried" or "I really am depressed right now" I have found can be helpful and healthy in not holding it internally and connecting with others in our shared experience together. It helps lessen the isolation. Remember: Take one day at a time.
5. Having small goals or "new" normals. Today my goal is to walk 70 laps around my pool in my backyard which will equal 1 mile. So far today I've accomplished 30 laps. It may seem like a small goal for some but for me, each small step is movement in the right direction. It's something. It's a goal. It is what I talk about in this article, it is my "new". My New Normal. I have found that if I don't have any personal goals for my day then I don't do much of anything. Sometimes not doing anything at all is appropriate and a way of listening to my body, my emotions, my body, my spirit in what I need. But at other times, not having any sort of personal goal for myself in the day, even if it's doing the puzzle, journaling or walking the lap, leads me to sinking into despondency and worry. Personal self-goals are good. So today.... I'm walking more laps. I can't do everything, but I can do something. Remember: What is your something today?
Everyone has a different lived experience, their "new" normal, their "new" right now. I would love to hear your comments of What is your new normal? How are you coping with your new normal? What will be your "new" today?
Shahna is an Associate Marriage and Family Therapist in private practice in Fresno, Ca. She has a Masters Degree in Marriage and Family Therapy and is an active blog writer on her website at https://shahnaduerksen.wixsite.com/therapy and instagramer at @shahnaduerksen where she writes or posts on mental and emotional health and well being. Shahna hopes to contribute to de-stigmitizing mental illness and making it a normal conversation for all. Shahna loves photography, humor and travel, and often combines the three with crazy mis-adventures. She can be reached at Shahna.Reddoor@gmail.com or on her office phone at 559-512-0736.
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