Are you living life or is life living you?

by Shahna Duerksen, LMFT, June 2025

We live in a drive-thru, go-go-go, fast-paced, instant gratification culture where the busier the better. At times it seems that 'busy' is something to be achieved. When asked how we are doing we remark, "Busy" or some platitude to the effect of "busy but life is full and good" but more times then not the answer is met with a overwhelmed sigh, roll of the eyes and a half-hearted "okay, just busy!"

Living full thriving lives and being busy for short periods of time or seasons is doable but to be honest I think so many of us, myself included, at times are living life not full, but half-full or on empty.....we aren't necessarily living our lives to the full.... but life is living us with a just-trying-to-survive mentality and not a thriving or living a balanced life mentality. This 'life is living us' looks like obligations, duties and responsibilities, being super busy, having jam-packed days full of things and activities that stress us out and rob us of our emotional, physical and mental energies. These things can lead to burn-out, resentments, emotional disconnect, relationship problems, addictions, unhealthy coping, anxiety, depression, and other mental health challenges.

It is OKAY to NOT be okay....to need HELP! Yes, I used that naughty 4-letter word...HELP! It is

okay to pay attention to your mental, emotional, physical and spiritual well-being. We call this SELF-CARE. Self-care is not a one time event but an on going daily practice. In order to lead full thriving healthy lives proper self-care is vitally important. It is not selfish, it is essential to healthy emotional and mental well being.

Take the time today to begin re-connecting with yourself. What areas in your life do you need to listen to? How can you not be as busy today and make time and space for yourself? Are there areas in your life that you would like to say "I'm not okay in this area and I Do need help"? If so I encourage you today to take the steps to thrive in your life and not let life get the best of you! Reach out today.

The September 23, 2021 article has been updated in June 2025. Shahna Duerksen, M.A., LMFT #140986, is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist located in Fresno, CA, providing both in-person therapy (Fresno, CA) and tele-health services throughout California. Shahna aims to help de-stigmatize mental illness and make it a normal topic of conversation for everyone. She enjoys photography, humor, and travel, often blending these interests into adventurous escapades. Her practice mainly centers on women's experiences. For more details and mental health resources, visit Instagram @shahnaduerksen, psychologytoday.com and to schedule appointments, go to headway.co/providers/shahna-duerksen 

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